Come Share the Journey into Parenthood

Contributed by First 5 Nevada County

Baby & Me groups are a wonderful opportunity for parents to share with each other the delights and demands of being a parent of an infant. Participants receive good information on pertinent topics such as sleeping, feeding, soothing, attachment, intentional parenting, fostering development, creating rituals, etc. Perhaps the best part of Baby & Me is going through that first year with others who are experiencing a similar learning curve. Sharing your baby's first smile, first tooth, or giggle just adds to the joy of each milestone.  Learning the mysterious and wonderful ways of your newborn along with others seems so much more manageable when moms and dads have each other. Sometimes a helpful hint, word of support, or a good laugh is just what is needed to lift the spirits of a sleep-deprived mom or dad. 

The way the groups are structured is as follows: Parents sit in a circle on the carpet with their babies. (Back-rests are provided). We sing a few songs with the babies (fun!), have check-in time on how everyone is doing, and then we discuss a topic about all things babies & parenting. At closing we sing our good-bye song to each baby--"we'll see you again next time!"  
 
Toddler & Me is in a pre-school setting where the little ones and their parents are on the move playing together. They have a short circle time of songs and fun. Parents are able to connect with each other as well as play with their toddlers. An experienced pre-school teacher leads the way by introducing new activities that encourage development and new skills. Siblings can come too!

Baby & Me and Toddler & Me create natural communities of friends and support for both parents and the children. They usually run in 10 week sessions. All 10 group meetings are free to new Baby & Me and Toddler & Me participants! For continuing participants there is a fee of $50; however, generous scholarships are available. If anyone wants to come--we will make it happen!  

To join a Baby & Me Group call Meg at 913-2745 or email her at meg@first5nevco.org.

Protect Your Children's Teeth from "Sugar Bugs" This Halloween

by Lindsey A. Robinson, DDS
Pediatric Dentistry

Halloween is just around the corner and with it comes the popular phrase every child will be chanting, "trick or treat," with the hope that their bags will be filled with treats. All of this candy can bring with it cavities. The reason sugar can cause tooth decay is that there is a film of bacteria called plaque, "sugar bugs" that sticks to our teeth. When bacteria come into contact with sugar or starch they produce acid which attacks the teeth and causes cavities. No need to be scared of the "sugar bugs". With just a few simple tips you can protect your child's teeth.

Candies to stay away from would be hard and sticky candy. Sucking on hard candy will keep the sugar in the mouth a long time, and sticky candy gets down deep into the grooves and is not easily washed off with saliva. During this time the teeth are subjected to acid attacks. Better choices would the small chocolate candy bars. The chocolate dissolves quickly making it easier for saliva to wash it away.

Limit the amount of candy eaten all at once and the number of snacks eaten between meals. Grazing on candy exposes the teeth more frequently to sugar and the effects of the acid. Encourage them to have their candy as dessert after a meal.

Remind them to brush their teeth. Children under age seven should have their parents do most of the brushing for them. Drinking water immediately after eating candy can help wash some of the sugar off the teeth. In addition, chewing xylitol gum, like Spry or Ice Breakers (Ice Cubes), is beneficial since it prevents the plaque from sticking and cannot be converted into an acid. Just make sure that when checking the ingredient label, xylitol is listed first to get enough of this plant based sweetener. Halloween candy can be a ‘treat’ as long as taken in moderation.

Lindsey A. Robinson, DDS, is a pediatric dentist with a full time practice in Grass Valley.
Her office is located at 453 S Auburn St, Grass Valley, CA. Phone: (530) 272-5522

It's Harvest Time — Expect Tantrums, Melt Downs, Back Talk, Power Struggles and General Weepiness

by Tulum Dothee,
Oakhaven Montessori

Dear Tulum,
You mentioned the fall harvest and that some of the parents in your school are experiencing tantrums, etc. Count us in. I would say for the past 2-3 weeks we have seen tantrums, whining, and pouting here at home with my 5 year old daughter. I'm approaching the tantrums in the moment by staying calm, setting boundaries, giving love, and enforcing a cooling off period. Overall, we are sticking very closely to a regular schedule, being consistent, setting a special time to play together, and getting more rest. This seems to be working. The tantrums are becoming less intense and happening less often. My question is about the pouting. Her back hunches over, shoulders slump, head hangs down looking at the ground. It seems to be in response to when she genuinely feels badly about something, and is also used when she doesn't get her way. It feels like a control tactic, and it is making me quite nutty. Can you give me any suggestions on this? Thanks! —Going Nutty!

It’s harvest time folks! The time of the year when your children are harvesting the growth, experiences and learning they did over the spring and summer. Their unspoken MO: Test new techniques.  Retest old techniques.  Check to see if parents mean what they say. 

Every fall, each of us processes everything we experienced over the last two seasons. This results in emotional upheaval. Especially around the harvest moon. If you don’t believe me, look around and notice.  Or come spend a day or two here at Oakhaven, you’ll see.

Here is what you need to know:

Expect tantrums, melt downs, back talk, power struggles and general weepiness, both from yourselves and the little ones. 

Here’s why:

It is part of the process of learning. Picture this graph. While learning, we all experience a rapid incline while taking in new information, then a leveling off and, before the learning is cemented, an actual regression! Then the process repeats. The harvest represents that regression, so take heart that your children are on their way to completing a cycle and gearing up for the next.

Here’s what you do:

Sit everyone down and discuss the harvest.

Decide together how you will each take care of yourselves. 

Clarify your own emotional issues.  Share your experiences with your family without taking it out on them.  Once you have cleared your own emotional space, any action you need to take will become clear. This is how we model processing our feelings in a healthy way.

Do not try to fix, change or understand your child’s feelings.  This will only get in the way of their processing their experiences and emotions, resulting in them lasting longer and not getting worked through to completion.  When feelings are not fully processed that energy gets trapped and added to the next experience.  

Set up those nests and feel-better spots. At neutral moments, role play how to use them. Do it several times. Make it fun.

Model going to your spot when you need to feel better.  

When your child forgets to go to her spot, go there yourself. Do it as many times as needed until she gets it.  Reply “Thank you,” to expressions of emotion and whining.  Resist the temptation to get hooked into their stuff.  Hum to avoid too many words coming out of your mouth.

Decide together how you will handle power struggles and back talk.  If time or circumstances do not allow you to come to a consensus, decide what you will do and announce it.  Unless it is a safety issue, avoid focusing on what you will make your child do; this only leads to power struggles.

To a child, when the weather and daylight hours change all the rules come into question.  Decide together what rules are the same, what are different.  

Things to remember:

• Act without talking.
• Take time for training.
• Talk to your child with the love and respect you show cherished friends.
• Treat the entire family, yourself included, with patience, kindness and firmness.  
• No matter what our feelings, we still need to do our day.  Get on with it.

Want to read my answer to Going Nutty?

Dear Nutty,

Wow, You are doing so much right!  Clearly you are a practicing mindful parent.  The pout piece will be a cinch to fix:

Bring it up at a family meeting.
Name it.
Decide what action you will take and exactly how that will look.
Practice a few times as in a role play.
Respond as decided every time.

Keep your chin up.  This too will pass.

Happy Harvesting!

P.S.  Ready to gather round the camp fire and share your stories, concerns and triumphs?  Beginning Mindful Parenting starts October 15, 2009.

Tulum Dothee is a credentialed and certified educator and counselor, with 30+ years experience teaching and working with families. For more information visit her web site at www.oakhavenmontessori.com.

Polenta Cake

by Wendy Van Wagner

1 1/2 cups plus 1 Tbs unbleached all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting the pan
1 lemon
1 orange
3/4 cup polenta
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon kosher salt
4 large eggs
1 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil

Preheat the oven to 325 F and position a rack in the center. Lightly grease a 9-inch springform pan with butter or nonstick cooking spray, dust the pan with flour, and tap to knock out the excess. Grate the zest from the lemon and orange, setting the zests aside for the cake batter.
 
In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, polenta, baking powder, and salt and set aside. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, beat the eggs and granulated sugar together on medium-high speed until they are pale yellow and have tripled in volume, 3 to 4 minutes. Beat in the reserved citrus zests.
 
Alternate adding the dry ingredients and the olive oil to the egg mixture; begin with one third of the dry ingredients, then add half the oil, followed by another third of the dry ingredients, beating only until each addition is incorporated. Stop the mixer and briefly scrape down the sides of the bowl. Beat in the remaining olive oil, followed by the last third of the dry ingredients.
 
Pour the batter into the prepared pan and smooth the top with a spatula. Bake the cake for 25 to 30 minutes, rotating it 180 degrees halfway through the baking time to ensure even browning. The cake is done when it springs back lightly when touched and pulls away from the sides of the pan, and when a cake tester inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool the cake in the pan on a rack for 12 to 15 minutes, then carefully remove the sides of the pan and allow the cake to cool completely.
Carefully remove the bottom of the springform pan with an offset spatula and transfer the cake to a serving plate. If desired, dust the cake with confectioners' sugar before serving. Any leftover cake may be wrapped in plastic and served the following day.

This cake is wonderful with fresh apples and pears!

Wendy Van Wagner is the owner of the local cooking school IN THE KITCHEN in Nevada City,
offering classes to both kids and adults. Join the revival of taste, table and tradition!
Tel:478-0669 | IN THE KITCHEN, 648 Zion Street, Nevada City, CA
Web site: www.wendyvanwagner.com | Blog: www.localfoodtastesbetter.wordpress.com

Kindergarten Pressure

by Gayle Peterson, LCSW, PhD

Question: My five-year-old son started out kindergarten beautifully, but has totally regressed in the last month. I have met with the guidance counselor and his teachers. He gets so anxious that he will make himself vomit before leaving for school. His teachers say that he's reluctant to join in activities, but is excelling in all other areas. Things are now getting very tense at home. My husband and son are constantly fighting. I'm at the end of my rope!

Answer: Your son is exhibiting a stress reaction to a new situation. Starting school is a major adjustment and your reactions to his distress can either compound or diminish his ability to adapt. As parents, our job is to serve as "shock absorbers" to the often harsh realties that are a part of our child's life.

Your child is doing great in all areas but one. Have patience with him. For some reason he is shy of joining in group activities that are social in nature. But he is excelling at all the rest! His anxiety is real and he deserves your tolerance and understanding. Become increasingly curious about his tension surrounding school adjustment rather than tense or judgmental.

Ask his teacher if your son has had any specific negative experiences or reactions to other adults or children while at school. If he is not reacting to some particular trauma, it may be the case that he is experiencing some difficulty with understanding social cues. Or he may be experiencing pressure to "succeed" at school in some exaggerated way. Perhaps he is a perfectionist of sorts and needs your help to relax and have fun in his new academic realm.

He will need to build confidence in his ability to enjoy school as he masters whatever it is that is causing him fear. Overstimulation in new situations can be overwhelming to any child. Try to grasp for yourself what he is feeling in this situation. Accompany him to school and stay with him for the first half hour. Put aside judgment and "try on" his experience. He may be overly stimulated by large groups of children playing boisterously in strange surroundings, particularly if he has not experienced crowds of children in the past. Some children need more familiarity before they feel safe. Once he has figured out the rules, he may feel safe enough to join in. It is possible that your calming presence may help him bridge his fears.

Also, check with his teacher about whether he seems to be enjoying the activities at which he is excelling. Is he having fun, or trying too hard to please? Performance anxiety could cause him stress that increases his anticipation over the next day's accomplishments. See if you can discover what genuinely interests him so that you can encourage his development and feelings of success and enjoyment of learning through natural avenues. And consider assessing the school environment, teacher's style and personality and overall ambience to be sure it is a good fit for his needs. Some children develop better in a smaller group setting and some teacher-student fits are better than others.
Talk with your husband about his own tensions related to his son. Is your husband experiencing anxiety related to his son's difficulties that causes him to reject instead of help his son adjust? What kind of relationship did he have to school as a child and what kind of support did he experience from his father during stressful situations? Could he be inadvertently transferring his own fears of failure onto his son? These questions are key to finding out whether your son may be reacting to a disturbance in his relationship with his father which could be threatening his sense of emotional survival. If so, this could indeed create distress beyond what would usually be expected in school adjustment.

Ask your husband to recover his patience and stand behind his son in his time of need. Clearly your son is already experiencing a significant amount of stress. Adding further tension to the situation will only make matters worse. Instead, invite your husband to use his curiosity and compassion to decrease your son's pressure rather than add to it! Go together to meet with the teacher and counselor to discover what the emotional meaning of your son's anxiety may be, and brainstorm methods to help him master his fear.

Keep in mind that this is only one of several times your patience and tolerance will be called upon during your experience of parenting. Do not shy away from developing compassion and strengthening tolerance in situations that challenge your patience. Your child will learn to internalize these qualities of patience and compassion for use in the next situation that he will be challenged to master. Setting a good example for addressing stress and solving problems now will help all of you deal with the next difficulty with greater equanimity.

If these suggestions do not help to eliminate your son's stress, consider consulting a child psychologist who is knowledgeable about children that experience problems with adjustment to school and social situations. Kindergarten is his first experience of school and structured learning. It is important that your son experience success and pleasure rather than anxiety and trepidation.

Kindergarten is not only hard on kids, but stressful for parents, too! This is your first child, and school adjustment is often experienced by parents as difficult. It is your first experience of your son out in the world and it is natural for you to feel your own pressure about his ability to "fit in" and achieve in "larger society". Keep in mind that your marriage is YOUR buffer against stress. Turn to each other for emotional support. Giving comfort to one another during periods of stress will make you more capable of having patience for helping your son through difficult times.

Gayle Peterson, LCSW, PhD practices in Nevada City. She is a member of BEPE (Birth and Early Parenting Educators). She can be reached for appointments at (530) 346-2534. Visit her web site: www.MakingHealthyFamilies.com for information and discussing this topic on Dr. Gayle’s facebook page for empowering parents.

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Articles

There are some great parenting articles on the First5Nevco.org web site and blog. Check out...

• Developing Emotional Awareness and Social Skills in Young Children
• New Study: Dads’ Care Benefits Babies’ Cognitive Development
  

Looking for Child Care?

Sierra Nevada Children's Services is our local child care resource and
referral agency.  When you go in to meet with a family support specialist, you can ask to look through the child care referral binder, which profiles many family and
center-based child care facilities in our community and lets you compare the early
childhood education backgrounds of the providers, hours of operation, rates,
and much more.  Whether you are seeking subsidized care or just looking for
a good match for childcare, this binder is a great new resource. SNCS is located at 256 Buena Vista Street in Grass
Valley, and can be reached at (530) 272-8866 or sncs.org.

October Events

Saturdays & Sundays
Bierwagen's Donner Trail Fruit
Pumpkin Patch and Fall Festival
10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Offering pumpkins, apples, fresh-pressed apple juice, farm animals and animal demonstrations, a corn maze, play area, craft fair and more. 17437 Lower Colfax Road, Chicago Park.
Phone: 477-5992
bierwagens.com

October 3
Friends of the Library Book Sale
Held at the Doris Foley Historical Library, 211 N. Pine Street, Nevada City. Most books cost between 25¢ and $3.00, You'll find a great selection of children's paperback and hardback books.9 am to 3 pm.
Phone: 265-7050
friendsofthenevadacountylibraries.org

October 3-4
KVMR Celtic Festival
The 13th Annual KVMR Celtic Festival offers two days of wonderful entertainment and education bringing together people of all ages and backgrounds in a magical setting of music, dance, sports, history and culture. Nevada County Fairgrounds, 11228 McCourtney Rd., GV. 10am to 10pm Saturday; 10am to 8pm Sunday. Adult tickets are $35-$65, teens and children $15- $20 (festival only pricing).
kvmr.org/celticfestival

October 5
Pre School Play Date at the Imaginarium
Get a grip on Gravity!  Hands-on exploration of gravity encourages children to learn science through play.  9:00 a.m. – Noon. Arrive by 10:00 for circle time. Cost: $4/Student or Senior and $6/Adult.
Phone:  478-6415
nevco.k12.ca.us/imaginar.htm

October 9
Fun Friday Night at the Imaginarium
Special Exhibit through December – Celebrating the International Year of Astronomy.  Four hundred years ago, Galileo turned his small telescope toward the heavens and forever changed our understanding of the universe. Explore your cosmic address, Earth’s place in the the universe, relative size and distance of the planets to the sun, and more.  One night only – come meet RITA ROCKET. Rita will rock your world as she demos space activites, paints faces, and strolls the Imaginarium! 5:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m. Cost: $4/Student or Senior and $6/Adult.
Phone:  478-6415
nevco.k12.ca.us/imaginar.htm

October 10
Loma Rica Ranch Harvest
Festival and Pumpkin Patch
Great Food. Haunted House. Corn Maze. Wagon Rides. Live Music. 11am-6pm. Adults $10. 11-17 $5. 10 and under free. Parking free. Loma Rica Ranch. 10980 Brunswick Rd., GV. 11am-6pm.
Phone: 274-9059
lomaricaranch.com

October 10-17
Oktoberfest and Harvest Festival
Cobblestone,Tahoe City, with Scarecrows on Parade, pumpkin patch and family carnival and specials throughout the week!
visittahoecity.com

October 11
Big Truck Day - Truckee
Rodeo Grounds Parking Lot, Estates Drive. 11 am to 3 pm. Free and open to children of all ages. Various trucks on display; i.e. big rigs, fire trucks, tow trucks and more.
Phone: 582-7720
tdrpd.com

October 15
FREE Prenatal Breastfeeding Class
This class, sponsored by Future Generations, helps get breastfeeding off to a great start. Breastfeeding is part natural and part learned, in this foundational class you'll learn what to expect and what you can do to ease into the transition of a breastfeeding mother! Support partners encouraged to attend. This is a single time, 2 hour class from 6:30pm to 8:30pm.
Phone: 477-5442
chamberlinchildbirth.com

October 15
Beginning Mindful Parenting
Thursdays Oct 15 - Nov 22 from 6:30 - 8:30 p.m. at Oakhaven Montesorri School.
Phone: 271-1258
oakhavenmontessori.com

October 18
North Columbia Autumn Shindig
11 a.m. to dusk. An old-time harvest fair at the historic, one-room schoolhouse, with bluegrass music, cow milking contests, crafts, local farmers market, homemade tamales, carnival booths and free admission. North Columbia Schoolhouse Cultural Center, 17894 Tyler Foote Crossing Road, north of Nevada City.
Phone: 265-2826 or 530-265-8141.

October 28
Annual Community Health Fair
Presented by Sierra Presbyterian Church; Sierra Nevada Memorial Hospital; Nevada County Department of Health & Human Services; and the American Red Cross.  Get your yearly flu shot for $10.  Free screenings. Over 30 Health Vendors.  Healthy cooking & exercise demonstrations.  10 a.m. - 2 p.m. at Sierra Presbyterian Church, 175 Ridge Road, Nevada City. Phone: 265-3291

October 30
Annual Halloween Costume Parade
Truckee Train Station at 6pm sharp, parade through downtown to the Community Center where children can trick or treat through the building for candy and prizes.
Phone: 582-7720

October 30
Trick or Treat Downtown Truckee
Downtown, Continue the Halloween festivities by visiting the shops of downtown Truckee. where the stores will be open until 8pm handing out candy.

October 30
Truckee Hotel Haunted House
Truckee Hotel, Bring the kids after the parade to experience the Haunted House in one of the oldest buildings in Truckee. If you are interested in organizing a room for the haunted house please contact Tim the Hotel manager.
Phone: 587-4444

October 30
Safe Trick or Treat
A downtown Spooktacular! Bring your ghouls and goblins (ages 5 & under) to Mill and Main Streets in downtown Grass Valley from 10 a.m. - 1 p.m. Merchants throughout downtown dress in costumes and hand out candy to the children, while providing a safe environment. FREE. historicgrassvalley.com

October 30
Annual "Read to Your Child Halloween Book Giveaway"
This event will take place from 10:00 am to 1:00 pm at the Center for the Arts, 314 W. Main St. in Grass Valley. This event is part of the Grass Valley Downtown Safe Trick or Treat Celebration for preschoolers. FREE. Phone: 273-4059

October 30
Family Fun Night – Halloween Theme
Special activities for the under 5 crowd in the late afternoon, free. Family dinner at 5:30. Call 587-2513 or email classes@truckeefrc.org for more information.

November Events

November 3
Pre School Play Date
at the Imaginarium
Pre School play dates give young ones a chance to investigate science in a stimulating and fun environment. These special days are thematically designed for the young explorer.  Come make new friends, play with bubbles, magnets, sound and shadows! Special Program:  SMILE! Join us on an ocean adventure and meet a lonely shark who loves to smile. Experience a virtual read along as we help him save the day and find some friends. 9:00 a.m. to noon. Cost: $4/Student or Senior and $6/Adult.
Phone:  478-6415
nevco.k12.ca.us/imaginar.htm

November 5 - 15
Aladdin – The Musicall
A production by The Nevada County Performing Arts Guild (PAG). Held at the Center for the Arts. Showtimes: Fridays 7 p.m., Saturdays and Sundays 2 p.m. Tickets: Adults $12, Students & Seniors $10, Children $5.
Phone: 277-7100
Email: ptrudolph@sbcglobal.net

Ongoing Events

Baby & Me
Join in for songs, playtime, and discussion while getting to know other parents and babies. Join an existing group now. Birth to 12 months. Weekday mornings at the Grass Valley Methodist Church in downtown Grass Valley. FREE to first-time participants, sliding scale fee up to $50 for 10 sessions for subsequent groups.
Phone: Meg 913-2745
e-mail: meg@first5nevco.org
first5nevco.org/programs.cfm

Toddler & Me
Join in for songs and playtime in a preschool setting while getting to know other parents and toddlers. We are creating new groups now for children 12 to 36 months. Monday mornings at the T.K. McAteer Family Resource Center in Nevada City. FREE to first-time participants, sliding scale fee up to $50 for 10 sessions for subsequent groups.
Phone: Samie 265-0611 x223
e-mail: samie@first5nevco.org
first5nevco.org/programs.cfm

Early Pregnancy Consultation
Mention the First 5 Newsletter to receive 50% off. Now only $27.50. For women in their first or second trimester. Consultations scheduled regularly.
Call to schedule: 477-5442
chamberlinchildbirth.com

2nd Monday of the Month

Hope in Nevada County Food Distribution
A food distribution will be held at the Grass Valley Elks Lodge the 2nd Monday of every month from 10 a.m. to 11 a.m. We focus on families with young children, seniors and the disabled but we don't turn any one in need of assistance with food away. All we require is that you sign in and take only what you can use. We offer a wide variety of foods and have offered such items as fresh fruits and vegetables, chicken, breads, canned goods and staples.
Phone: 263-4753

Every Friday

P.L.A.Y. Groups (Parenting, Learning, Activities, Year-Round)
You can participate by dropping in any time or by joining a parent led group that meets on Fridays from 12-1:30 in the Family Resource Center. Just take a child development activity sheet and enjoy fun activities with your child while networking with other parents. SNCS Family Resource Center. For more information contact Cindy at: 272-8866 x 203

Every Saturday

Nevada City Farmers Market
Union Street between Broad and Commercial. 8:00 a.m. - 12p.m. Local farms, two stages of local music, artisans, children’s activities, and educational demonstrations as well as prepared breakfast and lunch vendors.
ncfarmersmarket.org

Now Enrolling

“Your Amazing Infant” - Truckee
A series for parents and their infants, ages birth through 3 months. These classes increase bonding through nurturing touch and physical interaction between parent and child. Call the Family Resource Center at 587-2513 or email classes@truckeefrc.org for information.

Family Music: Music for Little Kids, by a Big Kid - Truckee
Children, birth to 5, and their parents enjoy this fun and humorous musical experience that includes singing, instrument play and movement in a relaxed and playful setting. $49 for 7 sessions, includes music CD. Call the Family Resource Center at 587-2513 or email classes@truckeefrc.org for information.

Toddler Gym Time - Truckee
Toddlers and their parents enjoy free play in the big gym with an array of exciting developmental equipment. Have fun, meet new friends and build new skills. Call the Family Resource Center at 587-2513 or email classes@truckeefrc.org for information.

“Baby and Me” - Truckee
Fun, educational classes for parents with infants under 12 months old. Organized activities and informal discussions weekly. Call 587-2513 or email classes@truckeefrc.org for more information.