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Worry: A Parent’s Guideby Lindsay Dunckel, With parenthood comes worry. We worry that the baby is sleeping too much, or not enough, that she is not eating enough, is cold, or doesn’t really like us. We worry about little things and big things, things we can do something about and things we can’t. As our children grow, so do our worries. Parenthood is a huge responsibility, so naturally we worry—I suppose it is a sign that this job is important to us. But there is one thing parents worry a lot about that is out of proportion to the risk: stranger abduction, also known as kidnapping. We keep our kids inside or in our yards, don’t let them walk to school, and panic when we lose sight of them in the grocery store. But according to the U.S. Department of Justice, only about 115 children are kidnapped by strangers each year: to put this in context, about 1,400 children die of cancer in a year and 4,000 die as a result of accidents. And the rate of stranger abduction is lower than it was in the 1970s, when many of us were running around unsupervised outside. So why do we have this national, irrational fear? Why are there children on milk cartons? Thousands of children are abducted by non-custodial parents each year and this number greatly inflates the number of “missing children.” The other big contributor to this number is runaways—mostly teenagers who have been victims of abuse and/or neglect. Finally, media attention to some of the 115 cases of stranger abduction has been intense, heightening our awareness, which then heightens our fear and makes it feel like a big risk. You should know that teenage girls, not young children, are the primary targets of kidnappers. In all actuality, what parents need to be worried about are accidents and that is something we can prevent. Unintentional injury is the number one cause of death for children: things like car accidents, drowning, fires or burns, and suffocation. So what is a parent to do? For children under 1 year, suffocation is the leading “accident.” Use a blanket sleeper rather than a blanket for your baby and keep cribs free of pillows, covers, and large, soft toys. Put your baby to sleep on his back: we’ve reduced the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome by more than 50% since 1990 by making this switch. Always buckle your baby into a rear-facing, infant car seat when traveling and rotate the carry handle down behind the seat; car-seat use reduces risk of death by 71% for infants. When your baby becomes mobile, be sure to gate access to any pool or pond and never leave standing water around (babies most often drown in buckets, bathtubs, or toilets). Get trained in first aid, CPR, and resuscitation. Children 1 to 4 years of age are the most likely to be injured or killed in accidents, so provide close supervision of tots. For this group, transportation is the main risk: always buckle children into a safety seat in the back seat of the vehicle; when they outgrow their toddler safety-seat, graduate them to a booster seat until they are at least 4’9” tall and at least 8 years of age. Booster seats reduce injury risk by 59% compared to seatbelts alone (which are designed for bigger people and tend to cause internal injuries in children in a crash). Always have children wear helmets when riding bikes, trikes, scooters, skateboards, etc. and when skiing or snowboarding. And again, almost 30% of children this age who die do so as a result of drowning, usually in home swimming pools under the care of one or both parents; most were last seen inside the home and had been out of sight for less than 5 minutes. Fence those pools! For all ages, keep household poisons, such as cleaners and pesticides, as well as medicines (including vitamins) where children do not have access. Poisonings only make up a small portion of accidental injury to children, but are completely preventable. Worry is a natural part of parenthood, but you can focus your worry where the highest risk is: accidents. And then you can use that energy to work to protect your child by taking simple, preventive steps like fencing pools and always using a safety seat in vehicles. Send the kids out to play—but buckle on the helmets. For more information about keeping kids safe, go to: http://www.cdc.gov/safechild/ Chocolate Cake for Valentine's Dayby Wendy Van Wagner What better way to make Valentine's
day decedent for you loved ones than to make chocolate cake? This is a great
recipe, always moist and always a hit! And if you are looking for something
fun to do with your sweetie on Valentine's day, consider coming to the date
night cooking class I am offering through In The Kitchen, dinner
included! Flourless Chocolate Cake 4 ounces fine-quality bittersweet
chocolate (not unsweetened) Preheat oven to 375°F and butter an 8-inch round baking pan. Line bottom with a round of wax paper and butter paper. Chop chocolate into small pieces. In a double boiler or metal bowl set over a saucepan of barely simmering water, melt chocolate with butter, stirring, until smooth. Remove top of double boiler or bowl from heat and whisk sugar into chocolate mixture. Add eggs and whisk well. Sift 1/2 cup cocoa powder over chocolate mixture and whisk until just combined. Pour batter into pan and bake in middle of oven 25 minutes, or until top has formed a thin crust. Cool cake in pan on a rack 5 minutes and invert onto a serving plate. Dust cake with additional cocoa powder and serve with sorbet if desired. (Cake keeps, after being cooled completely, in an airtight container, 1 week.) Wendy Van Wagner is the owner
of local cooking school IN THE KITCHEN in Nevada City, Pregnancy Tip: The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancyby Laurie Chamberlin, CD, ICCE, LE “That’s it! I don’t care how I have this baby, I am done being pregnant and I want my baby, now, I mean it!” says almost every pregnant woman around the 38th week of pregnancy. Believe it or not, it is an emotional signpost during those last few weeks of pregnancy. It’s a phase most women go through, just like the first trimester is known for nausea. Almost every client I work with goes through this emotional phase, so I am well versed. Here are some things you can do to get through the waiting phase of labor: 1) Stay in the moment, just like labor, forget about ‘what might happen next’ and just deal with what you have right now. 2) Write yourself a letter of encouragement. In early pregnancy write a letter to yourself about what you will do the last month of pregnancy, how you will spend your time and how you can nurture yourself before your baby is born and what kind of parent you hope to be. 3) Read up on the importance of letting your body and the baby signal when the baby is ready to be born. Funny how the EDD, or ‘Estimated Due Date’ has transformed into the BDB or “Baby Due By”. Remember, your due date is an estimate, a timeframe, not a date your baby will be born by. Laurie Chamberlin, CD, ICCE, LE teaches childbirth preparation classes, lactation classes and is a prenatal counselor serving the Grass Valley/Nevada City/Auburn area. For more information contact: www.lauriechamberlin.com | lauriechamberlin@comcast.net or call 477-5442 Loving your Children Equallyby Gayle Peterson, MSSW, LCSW, PhD QUESTION: I have a daughter who is nearly four and a son who is 19-months-old. My daughter is difficult and can be whiny and irritable. My son, on the other hand, is a delightful child. I have tried so hard (and for the most part succeeded) to treat them equally. The problem is that I genuinely find that my son is more lovable than my daughter. I feel very guilty about this. ANSWER: It is not uncommon for parents to find a particular child easier to relate to than another. But do not mistake ease for "lovability." Your problem may lie in your comparison of your two children, rather than your love for them. Perhaps it is not that you find your son more lovable, but simply easier for you to parent at this time. And you may expect your love to feel the same, when in fact your love for each is quite distinct by nature. Perhaps this was an issue in your own childhood. Your parents may have found it necessary to assure you and your siblings that you were all loved equally. Your parents may have equated loving you equally with being treated the same. Keep in mind that you will always love each child differently, because they are different people. And you will not treat them the same because their needs are unique. Your tendency to compare them may be inherited from previous generations. The good news is that you do not have to continue to approach motherhood in this way. Instead, consider each child from their own perspective. For starters, let's take a look at birth order to help you begin this process. Your son has the advantage of an older sibling in his environment, which is, itself, highly entertaining! And he enjoys the confidence of an experienced mother to boot. Keep in mind that your first child paved the way for him. Being a first born, she not only had to break you in, but experienced the change of having to share you with her brother. Generally speaking, second born children are often said to be more easy going than firstborns. This makes some sense when we take into account that a second is fitting into a family structure that is already in place. In a stable home, second children are like kittens welcomed into a litter. They may garner their sense of security from the group, and so show less jealousy, at least initially, than their older sibling who experiences the shift in the family when a new baby arrives on the scene. Spend one on one time with your daughter on a daily basis. And ask her father to do the same. Over the next six months you may find that she gradually becomes more independent. It may be that she just needs some extra time to adjust and be assured of her place in the family, once more. Reflect on your own relationship with your mother as it may also bear on your expectations with your daughter. You may be disappointed if she is different from yourself, for example, if your own mother and you felt a bond of alikeness to one another. Or, an emotional distance from your own mother may replicate itself in the next generation. Work toward achieving a separate experience with your two children, as you would experience a rose differently from an orchid. One is no more beautiful or lovable, but depending on your climate, a rose can be a lot easier to care for than an orchid. Or you may be familiar with the rose, but need to learn how to nurture an orchid before it will bloom! Talk with your husband about your feelings and identify your little girl's attributes, as well as her insecurities. Use your honesty as a springboard for growth. Give yourself time with your daughter to explore more of who she is and who she can become. It may be that it is the mother-daughter relationship that needs time to blossom in order to feel a special love that is reserved just for her! Gayle Peterson, MSSW, LCSW, PhD is a family therapist specializing in prenatal and family development. Visit her website at www.makinghealthyfamilies.com |
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