Curbing
Power Struggles with Special Days - Part Two
by Tulum Dothee
If you missed Part One you
can read it in the Little
Steps March Issue.
One of the easiest ways to empower your children is to implement special
days. Special days work well because you let the calendar, as opposed
to yourself, be the authority thus reducing the number of power struggles. Here
is the second installment of the special day article.
Create options to make decisions by offering a choice: "Are
we getting our pajamas on now or in five minutes?" Decide what
you are willing to do and phrase it as a choice for that child. "Are
we going to make pancakes or waffles for breakfast?"
Express regret if child A doesn’t get his way, "Oh I wish it
was your day to pick the music for the car ride, but it's child B's special
day."
Decide in a family meeting what decisions the special day person can make
(more on Family Meetings in future newsletters). Agree on any decisions
that must be adult only choices.
The Special Day person gets to settle disputes:
- Who gets _____?
- What do we do about _____?
- Are we going to do _____ or _____?
- Your sister would like to do _____ together, is that okay?
Here are some ideas for special day person decisions and activities:
- Chooses music to listen to in the car.
- Picks food for meals and snacks. Hold choices out and
let child pick.
- Picks the bedtime stories & gets to read/tell them or choose who
reads.
- Decides who gets to sit next to Mom (or Dad, or Sister, etc.…).
- Picks television show to watch – age appropriate for everyone,
of course.
- Decides which sprinkles to decorate a cake.
- Gets to be the "leader".
- Gets to go first at the sink bowl for washing hands.
- Makes or receives a special phone call
- Decides which game to play.
- Gets to apply everyone's toothpaste.
- Puts the house to bed and says good night to each: turns off lights,
turns down beds, locks doors…
Reserve the right to pull rank ONLY if it is a safety issue.
Along with making decisions comes responsibility on one's special
day.
When it is your special day it is not all glory. You actually get to help
serve the food and do clean up too, after all, it is your special day.
This variety of special day activity encourages us to think of chores
in a positive way as opposed to negatively. With privilege
comes responsibility, something that we are teaching them from the beginning.
When we approach our chores with joy and light heartedness our child will
too. If your child whines about helping around the house observe
your response to chores for a few days. You might discover that you
are modeling whining about chores, "This place is a mess! Am
I the only one who picks up around here? How many times have I told
you to put your stuff away?" In case you are wondering how to
adopt a positive attitude about chores, here is how:
- Name it so you can change it: Notice how you react to chores.
- Surrender to the reality that life is messy.
- Accept that the chores need to be done whether we like it or not.
- Create a family policy to do them together.
- Brainstorm ways to have fun getting chores done. Set the timer
for 10 minutes, put on dance music and go for it!
- Release the idea that things have to be perfect.
- Schedule chore time on your calendar.
Here are some ideas of special person activities that encourage responsibility:
- Set the table (with a parent for younger children).
- Clear the table (with a parent for younger children).
- Fill the pet's water bowl.
- Serve snack and/or dessert.
- Light the dinner candles (age appropriate and after training only).
- Blow out the dinner candles.
- Ring the dinner bell.
- Help prepare meals.
You get the idea. Determine what works for you and your family.
Tulum Dothee is a credentialed
and certified educator and counselor, with 30+ years experience teaching
and working with families. For more information visit her website at www.asktulum.com.
Victorian
Tea Sandwiches — Perfect for a Fairy Tea Party
by Wendy Van Wagner
Violets are a delightful, edible flower that grow abundantly this time
of year. Kids and adults thrill at the notion of being able to feast on
something as tender as flowers! I like to pick them and eat them right
away, but if you want to really make something special for this time of
year, try this Victorian tea sandwich recipe. Easy to make and beautiful!
- 4 Slices of good quality sourdough bread, crusts cut off and lightly
toasted
- Cream cheese
- A hand full of wild violets
Spread cream cheese on the toasts, cut diagonally so that you have 2 triangles
per toast.
Firmly press your violets into the cream cheese.
Enjoy with a hot cup of tea with someone you love!
Wendy Van Wagner is the
owner of the local cooking school IN THE KITCHEN in Nevada City,
offering classes to both kids and adults. Join the revival of taste, table
and tradition!
Tel:478-0669 | IN THE KITCHEN, 648 Zion Street, Nevada City, CA
Website: www.wendyvanwagner.com |
Blog: www.localfoodtastesbetter.wordpress.com
First 5
and Prop 1D
Did you know that Californians are voting in a special election on May
19th? There are six ballot initiatives designed by the legislature
to help address the State’s fiscal problems. One of the ballot
initiatives, Proposition 1D, called “Children’s Services Funding,” would
redirect up to 65% of First 5 dollars away from local initiatives and toward
state initiatives for the next five years. For First 5 Nevada County,
if Proposition 1D passes it means that instead of the $896,000 in revenues
we are receiving this year, we will receive $400,000 in each of the next
five years. We would have to seriously reduce the funding we provide
to programs such as this newsletter, parent support groups, three
family resource centers, two School Readiness programs, the KARE Crisis
Nursery, home visiting programs for new parents and for stressed families,
health insurance for children, and mental health services, among many other
services for families of young children. If it passes, Proposition
1D will provide $268 million a year to the State General Fund which represents just under .7% (less than 1%) of the approximately $40 billion needed to close the current budget gap.
Visit our website for more information
about First
5 Nevada County.
6 Strategies
to Help Avoid Prenatal Depression
by Gayle Peterson, MSSW,
LCSW, PhD
The entire childbearing year— including pregnancy, childbirth and
postpartum
— is a time of tremendous change, psychologically and physically.
Women need support to take care of themselves, emotionally and physically,
through this important life-changing event.
Pregnancy can make you vulnerable to emotional swings, caused not only
by hormones and physical change, but psychological change, too. Bouts of
depression may increase during pregnancy. Much depends on what the emotional
meaning of the pregnancy is for you, how you deal with your body image
during this period, the state of your support system, and
of course, how well you take care of yourself physically and emotionally,
throughout the course of your pregnancy.
6 tools to help you prevent depression during the childbearing year
- Take a look inside. The psychological task of pregnancy is giving
birth to a new identity as mother and woman. Finding a way to mother
that includes things you want for yourself can help resolve depression
in pregnancy, yielding a happier mother postpartum. Ask yourself these
questions: How prepared are you for motherhood? What kind of parent
do you think you will be? What are you looking forward to?
- Explore your family history. Mother-daughter relationships, relationships
with siblings and your marital relationship will all play parts in your
psychological preparation for becoming a mother. Sometimes, treatment
of postpartum depression has been termed "getting the ghosts out
of the nursery."This refers to past childhood pain, which must be
understood so that it is less likely to be projected onto the your relationship
with your own child. Postpartum depression is often preceded by depression
in pregnancy, in anticipation of the factors underlying the changes to
come. Ask yourself these questions: What was/is your relationship like
with your mother? How do you want to mother? Is this similar to the way
you were mothered or different? What are your fears?
- Take your needs seriously. This can help you anticipate your needs
in motherhood. Take care of yourself by seeking support and anticipating
your needs for help, whether it is with housework or issues related to
family relationships that come up during pregnancy. Ask yourself these
questions: What do you need yourself, in order to mother a child? What
will you be giving up to have a child?
- Pull together as a couple. Two key factors that contribute to depression
following birth also affect pregnancy. Marital discord and unwanted pregnancy
both contribute to stress in pregnant women. If couples do not pull together,
there can be a postpartum crisis, with depression worsening. Ask yourself
these questions: Do you feel supported by your husband? What kind of
parent do you think your partner will be?
- Don't be shy about getting professional help. Don't count on pregnancy
hormones to take away depression that has been longstanding in your life.
Becoming a mother is a much underestimated life change. Emotional support
through this period of change for women is more often than not a deficit
in their prenatal care. Counseling can be very important in helping you
work through your depression.
- Don't delay! Explore your inner landscape and talk with your partner
about the changes a baby will bring to your lives. Be aware that this
may require some soul-searching and discovery of your own childhood ghosts.
Create the family that you want to have together.
Gayle Peterson, MSSW, LCSW,
PhD is a family therapist specializing in prenatal and family development.
Visit her website at www.makinghealthyfamilies.com |
 |
It's Time
for Kindergarten Registration!
Children who will be 5 years
of age on or before December 2, 2009, are eligible for kindergarten.
The schedule is posted on the home page of first5nevco.org under
News & Events.
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5 Nevada County
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Articles
There are some great parenting
articles on the First5Nevco.org website, and in the blog. Check out...
April Events
Enrolling
Now
Baby & Me
New session begins April 13
Join in for songs, playtime, and discussion while getting to know other
parents and babies. Join an existing group now. Birth to 12 months. Weekday
mornings at the Grass Valley Methodist Church in downtown Grass Valley.
FREE to first-time participants, sliding scale fee up to $50 for 10 sessions
for subsequent groups.
Phone: Meg 913-2745
e-mail: meg@first5nevco.org
first5nevco.org/programs.cfm
Enrolling
Now
Toddler & Me
New session begins April 13
Join in for songs and playtime in a preschool setting while getting to
know other parents and toddlers. We are creating new groups now for children
12 to 24 months. Monday mornings at the T.K. McAteer Family Resource Center in Nevada City. FREE to first-time participants, sliding scale fee
up to $45 for 9 sessions for subsequent groups.
Phone: Samie 265-0611 x223
e-mail: samie@first5nevco.org
first5nevco.org/programs.cfm
April
4
Friends of the LIbrary Book Sale
1st Saturday of Every Month - Monthly Used Book Sale, Friends of the Nevada
County Libraries. Foley Historical Library, 211 N. Pine St., NC. 9am-3pm.
Find quality children's books for 25 cents.
Phone: 265-7050.
April
9
Local Food Movement
An evening of delicious, locally grown and made soup, kids activities,
Saul Rayo music, and so much more. Join your friends and neighbors, support
your local food movement. Soup Night 5:00 - 8:00 p.m. and Saul Rayo 8:00
- 11:00 p.m. at the Miners Foundry. Suggested donation: $5.
Phone: 277-5877
ncfarmersmarket.org
April
16
Free Prenatal Breastfeeding Class
6:30-8:30pm. Call to reserve your space. Phone: 477-5442
lauriechamberlin.com
April
21
Imaginarium Preschool Play Day
Pre School play days give young ones a chance to explore science in a stimulating
and fun environment. Come make new friends, play with bubbles, magnets,
sound, shadows, listen to stories, and more. Theme is Bugs & Butterflies.
Bring your lunch or snack and eat it inside or have a picnic outside and
enjoy our outdoor solar exhibit, pond, and bridge. 9:00 a.m. - 12:00 noon.
Cost $3/Students & Seniors, $5/Adults. Phone: 478-6415
www.nevco.k12.ca.us/imaginar.htm
April
22
Earth Day at Briar Patch
Everyone is welcome to come all day from 7:00 a.m. - 9:00 p.m. for organic
food, coupons, free samples, prize drawings, an eco-themed silent
auction benefit, and to talk to members of local environmental groups.
Children's activities will include face painting by Penney the Clown from
2:30 to 5:30 p.m., the Great Green Building Hunt, essay contest and Earth
Day coloring. FREE
Phone:271-2034
briarpatch.coop
April 23 - May 21
Advanced Mindful Parenting Class
Thursdays 6:30 - 8:30 pm at Oakhaven Montessori School. FREE!
Phone: 271-1258
asktulum.com
April
24
Imaginarium Open to Public Day
The Imaginarium is a hands-on science, nature, and technology museum. On
display through June is Simple Machines. 12:00 noon – 5:00
pm. Cost $3/Students & Seniors, $5/Adults. Phone: 478-6415
www.nevco.k12.ca.us/imaginar.htm
May Events
May 2
6th Annual Child Development Conference in Truckee
Bev Bos Returns! Back by popular demand! Don’t miss Bev at the 6th
annual Child Development Conference in Truckee. A day of fun and learning
with a variety of exciting workshops and take-home ideas for parents and
early educators. Breakfast, lunch and child care provided. New
this year- a special workshop just for Dads!
Call 582-2583 or email ruthh@ttusd.org
Ongoing Events
Ongoing
Early Pregnancy Consultation
Mention the First 5 Newsletter to receive 50% off. Now only $27.50. For
women in their first or second trimester. Consultations scheduled regularly.
Call to schedule: 477-5442
lauriechamberlin.com
Mondays
Mother Dance
Dance class for moms and pre-walking babies designed to nourish and nurture
both Mom and baby with an opportunity to connect intimately through touch,
movement, rhythm and dance! Mondays 10:30-11:30. Cost $10/class.
Moving Ground Studio, Grass Valley
Phone: 272-4240
Wednesdays
“Your Amazing Infant” - Truckee
A series for parents and their infants, ages birth through 3 months. On
Wednesdays, noon to 1:15pm at Sierra Mountain Community Education Center
in Truckee. These classes increase bonding through nurturing touch and physical interaction between parent and child. Drop-in at any time. Cost for a series of
6 classes is $72.00 with scholarships available. Call the Early Learning
Project at 582-2583.
Wednesdays & Fridays
Toddler Gym Time - Truckee
Toddlers and their parents enjoy free play in the big
gym with an array of exciting developmental equipment. Have fun,
meet new friends and build new skills. Sierra Mountain Community
Education Center in Truckee. Ongoing sessions follow the school schedule.
Parent-facilitated and free to families. Wednesdays and Fridays,
10-Noon. Call 582-2583 or email rhall@ttusd.org for
information.
Thursdays
Music Together - Truckee
New session begins April 23
Children birth to 4 and their parents will enjoy this research-based
program that includes songs, instrument play and movement in a relaxed
and playful setting. Sierra Mountain Community Education Center in Truckee. $130
for the series and materials. Scholarships available. Call 582-2583
to save a spot.
Fridays
“Baby and Me” - Truckee
New series begins in May
Ongoing series through out the year. Fridays, 9:30-10:45 at Sierra
Mountain Community Education Center in Truckee. These popular classes
provide education, support, informal discussion and interactive fun for
parents and non-ambulatory infants, 3 months to 1 year old. The class
fee is $84.00 with scholarships available. Call: Early Learning
Project: 582-2583. |
